slyyder: (Default)
From (The Customer is) Not Always Right

This…Is…Spyware!

Electronics Store | Texas, USA

Customer: “Hi, my son says that I have spartans on my laptop and I should bring it to you guys.”

Me: “…Ma’am? Spartans?”

Customer: “Yes, I called my son at school and told him that screens keep popping up all the time, and he said that I have spartans.”

Me: “Oh! You mean trojans! That’s a possibility; let me run this analyzer on your laptop real quick and we’ll see what’s going on.”

Customer: “Young man, my son is in college and he says it has spartans. You just stand here in a little uniform and make minimum wage. I think my son knows what he is talking about.”

Me: “You’re right ma’am. I was hoping to run a diagnostic and find out that it wasn’t spartans, but just by looking at the login screen, I can tell that you probably have about 300 of the little guys running around.”

Customer: “300?! Is that bad?”

Me: “It’s horrible. They cram themselves into a bottleneck and kill wave after wave of data, until there is a wall of dead programs blocking any more traffic through your computer.”

Customer: “Oh, that just figures. I’m going to go buy a new computer.”

Me: “Ok, ma’am, I think that would be best.”
slyyder: (calvin pose)
* He who laughs last thinks slowest.
* Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
* A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
* On the other hand you have different fingers.
* Change is inevitable except from a vending machine.
* I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
* When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
* Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
* Those who live by the sword... get shot by those who don't.
* I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
* He's not dead... he's electroencephalographically challenged.
* You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
* I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
* Honk if you love peace and quiet.
* Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
* Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
* It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
* The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
* It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
* You can't have everything....where would you put it?
* Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
* The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.
* A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
* It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
* I wished the buck stopped here as I could use a few.
* I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
* Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
slyyder: (Default)
A store that sells new husbands has just opened in Sydney , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

"That's nice", she thinks, "but I want more."

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

"Oh !" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.


PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited

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slyyder

December 2010

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