Enough is enough

I'm tired...
I'm tired of feeling down and lonely...
I'm tired of starting things but for whatever reason not following through and finishing them...
I'm tired ofof taking out my own doubts and frustrations on others, either directly or just in my own mind...
I'm tired of this gut...
I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself, yet doing nothing about it...
I'm tired of feeling, well, tired and flat and unfit and unhealthy...
I'm tired of talking the talk, but not walking the walk...

So, for starters, a list of things to do....

Feel and act more happy, confident, and positive... and not just say the words, but actually feel them and beleive them
Take action to lose weight in general, from my stomach in particular, and improve my general health and fitness...
Improve and expand my diet (part of the previous, but also above and beyond that)
Make a concerted effort to fully complete one or two tasks minimum each day, even if small and insignificant, rather than leave things half done
Sleep better and more regular
Make positive and proactive steps towards my future, be it study and/or changing jobs and/or changing things at this job
Work on acting more, and thinking less, or more not overthinking... while keeping in mind this is a fault I need to stay aware of...
Take more responsibility for my own life/place/stiuation, rather then laying the blame on others and/or fate...
Let go of things in my life that are not healthy, or no longer working, or past their used by date... be they people/places/activities/thoughts/whatever...

And work on keeping this list fresh in my mind, at the forefront of what I do and whoI am... not let it become another pile of good intentions thats left on the side of lifes road to rot and waste away... while also letting the list be fresh, maleable, organic, to change and adjust as I do...

I'm tired of being tired and frustrated... so I'm working to be a better me, the best me I can be each day, with little or no restrictions or reservations, letting me go wherever I feel like going... as long as its somewhere, and forward, rather than stagnant...

Starting point

As a starting point, this journal... what to do with it, how to use it, make the most of it...

For too long I think i have focussed on it too much as purely an entertainment tool... either through reading others posts... or trying to entertain others through my posts... or entertain myself through getting comments on my posts... all too often leading to frustration when things dont go that way, and blaming others for this, rather than accepting blame upon myself, and/or just accepting others for who they are and what they feel they can or want to give...

Time to accept that unlike some others, I'm not going to ever end up with a friends list in the hundreds, having to wade through masses of comments on my posts... and that that is not something I need or should desire anyway, that it should be more about me, about me being myself.. and if people enjoy that enough to stay around and be a part of that, great, if not, then trying to force them or put on an act to keep them isnt going to work... time to be happy making this journal about be just being me (which it mostly has anyway, this is more about being happy with that choice) rather than trying to put on an act or persona to entertain the masses (and this is in no way a shot to any out there who do that, and/or have large friends lists, even if the journal is personal/honest... nothing wrong with any of that, this is just about me being me and doing whats right for me)

I've often said, be it in relation to LJ or other things/relationships/areas... that it is about quality rather than quantity... that it is much more important to connect with and have a high quality of interaction with those around you (as i know i do with some here *S*) than to have a huge number of people around... and while i have always meant it, at least on some level, there has always been that negative, that doubt, hat desire to just be popular, that has snuck in at times, undermining the words and thoughts... but no, now I am staying positive, and working to not just say the words, to think and act that way, but to beleive them and be happy with my choice...

So, thats me, thats where i am heading... for those that are already here and want to stay round to see where this journey goes, your more than welcome, I'm not leaving LJ or shunning anyone... I still and always will value your honest thoughts, comments and opinions, be it from some of the true, close friends i have here, to the more casual acquaintance... this is more about accepting what comes, not getting angry/frustrated and blaming myself, or others fora lack of comments or responses or whatever... about making the most of this journal, and of this life...

And if anyone does feel its time to move on, either now or later, thats cool, thats part of life, we grow and change, and as part of that some friendships stay, some grow stronger, while others fade and drift away, enjoyable and pleasing (at least hopefully so) while it lasted... not all interactions are meant to go on forever... hopefully whatever direction life takes you is for the best, and helps you make out of life what you desire *S*