Caught in the Slyyderweb

some new shots taken today... thanks to the photographer "S" for that, a lot easier to relax and take a good shot when you have someone else to run the camera, rather than have to set your shot. then the timer, then run into position, doing it all yourself lol

plus "S" is damn good at what she does, for someone doing it just for fun, have seen her photos just getting better and better... so thanks "S" (yeah I know you'll be here lurking and watching ;-) lol)

more to come later, just a couple for now...

( pics here (all worksafe) )

Ok, I dont know right now whether I am rightfully frustrated and annoyed, or if I'm over-reacting and being stupid, or what...

Have some friends I go out with occasionally, used to be every few months or so we'd go into the city to our usual pub there (E&W for any locals) for a night out... havent dont it in a while, due to relationships and marriage preps etc... and the fact thast yeah with most of that group I am probably not as in the group, just close to only one or two... L is the one I know and have known for a few years and am friends with, the others are mostly her fiancée and all guys he works with or has worked with up on the mines and their partners etc... they as a group are closer and do more things together, dinners etc, mostly couples etc, the usual stuff...

Anyway early last week I caught up with L online, and she mentioned they were considering heading into town this weekend so to keep things free if interested... so I said sure, np, just let me know when its all decided... hadnt heard anything back all week, until I e-mailed her something else on Friday, and when she replied to that i then asked what was happening... to then be told "oh no one of the other guys has decided he's going to have a bbq instead, so we're going there"...

Now at that time I was a little pissed... not so much for not being invited to the BBQ and part of that, more so about waiting to hear back, having to chase her up, to find out other plans had been made, that she didn't even think about letting me know til I asked... and she had been online while i was on msn the few days in between, including thursday night, though we hadnt chatted...

but thinking on it over the weekend, was trying to work out why i was feeling annoyed and frustrated, and whether it was legitimate... partly I think I'm feeling like a hanger on, a fringe friend who's invited to and included in some things (and this was the same group I was out with on NYE so not as if am never included) but not in others... invited as an after-thought, to be allowed to tag along sometimes... or maybe its just the fact i wasnt kept up to date on whats happening and told thats really brought that on, and even with that am over-reacting, and she may have just been busy/forgot...

But I think the one thing i decided on was that i do need to find other friends, or social outlets, besides just waiting on the occasional night with this group and going out to watch my brothers band... not to replace those, but to just add to and give me more social outlets, and not leave me feel so frustrated... I guess thats part of growing into situations where all your single friends change to couples with friends as couples and/or kids or whatever, and a lack of single friends...

or maybe I just need to stop whining and accept that things sometimes fall down... lol

{edit} because i forgot to add the next part of the story...

I did get an e-mail today saying "as some of us discussed last night, the plan is to go into town on Australia day night to the E&W"...

thats part of what added to the hanger on feeling noted above... setting aside all the issues i saw with heading into the city with all the chaos and craziness of the hundreds of thousands in there for the sky show... but guess i should just feel glad to be asked and included huh? *S*

current car/personal loan almost repaid, so....

debt consolidation
new loan or top up
how much
how long
how much extra for bits and pieces
or keep to minimum


what to do...

As a starting point, this journal... what to do with it, how to use it, make the most of it...

For too long I think i have focussed on it too much as purely an entertainment tool... either through reading others posts... or trying to entertain others through my posts... or entertain myself through getting comments on my posts... all too often leading to frustration when things dont go that way, and blaming others for this, rather than accepting blame upon myself, and/or just accepting others for who they are and what they feel they can or want to give...

Time to accept that unlike some others, I'm not going to ever end up with a friends list in the hundreds, having to wade through masses of comments on my posts... and that that is not something I need or should desire anyway, that it should be more about me, about me being myself.. and if people enjoy that enough to stay around and be a part of that, great, if not, then trying to force them or put on an act to keep them isnt going to work... time to be happy making this journal about be just being me (which it mostly has anyway, this is more about being happy with that choice) rather than trying to put on an act or persona to entertain the masses (and this is in no way a shot to any out there who do that, and/or have large friends lists, even if the journal is personal/honest... nothing wrong with any of that, this is just about me being me and doing whats right for me)

I've often said, be it in relation to LJ or other things/relationships/areas... that it is about quality rather than quantity... that it is much more important to connect with and have a high quality of interaction with those around you (as i know i do with some here *S*) than to have a huge number of people around... and while i have always meant it, at least on some level, there has always been that negative, that doubt, hat desire to just be popular, that has snuck in at times, undermining the words and thoughts... but no, now I am staying positive, and working to not just say the words, to think and act that way, but to beleive them and be happy with my choice...

So, thats me, thats where i am heading... for those that are already here and want to stay round to see where this journey goes, your more than welcome, I'm not leaving LJ or shunning anyone... I still and always will value your honest thoughts, comments and opinions, be it from some of the true, close friends i have here, to the more casual acquaintance... this is more about accepting what comes, not getting angry/frustrated and blaming myself, or others fora lack of comments or responses or whatever... about making the most of this journal, and of this life...

And if anyone does feel its time to move on, either now or later, thats cool, thats part of life, we grow and change, and as part of that some friendships stay, some grow stronger, while others fade and drift away, enjoyable and pleasing (at least hopefully so) while it lasted... not all interactions are meant to go on forever... hopefully whatever direction life takes you is for the best, and helps you make out of life what you desire *S*